one already!?

Our baby Sebastian has just turned one. I can't quite compute this first birthday milestone. The thought makes me smile and weep at the same time. Seriously, where did time go? This time last year I had finished work (whoop!) and was nesting like crazy - cleaning cupboards I never go into and stocking the pantry as if I'd never shop again. I remember walking/wobbling around town in a daze - hovering somewhere between excited and petrified yet too tired to act out either emotion. I wondered when this labour thing would start and how I would cope. It was surreal to think I was days away from meeting the little person kicking inside me. I loved those kicks. Now he's on the outside and is kicking right in front of me. It's still surreal. I am so in love. I still feel - like I did in those first days - that he knows more than I do about how to grow this mother-child bond. I'm just playing along. A puppet on his strings. Frightening, I know. 

** Thank you to my friend Sarah for taking this beautiful photo. The shimmering light kind of captures the dreamy love I felt for Sebastian in those early days, although the sleep deprivation helped make everything feel a little hazy. He was four months old here and we were on a family holiday on the Sunshine Coast. I remember this sunset - it was divine.

Image by Sarah